Liars & Lunatics in Goose Pimple Junction Read online

  “I don’t care what you say, but I think that officer is a hunk. He has sex appeal.”

  “What do you know about sex appeal, Mother?”

  “Obviously more than you. Now, that Pepper fella doesn’t have as much as that officer, and that officer did seem interested in you. But my mama always said a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, and you did say that Pepper fella had thrown an offer on the table. Right?”

  “Mother, would you just put your mind to the task at hand, please? I’m not interested in Virgil Pepper or Hank Beanblossom, for Pete’s sake.”

  Kaye stopped cleaning and walked over to her daughter. “Pete? Who’s Pete? Land sakes, you got men coming out the woodwork for you. Which is totally surprising considering your current looks. Why are you hiding your potential, sugar? You can’t tell a thing about your figure in those baggy clothes. You chopped off all your pretty hair. And where’s all that makeup that you spent a fortune on?” She cupped her daughter’s chin with her thumb and index finger, inspecting her face. “To have that palette and refuse to paint it . . . well, it’s a crying shame if you ask me.”

  Daisy shook her face free of her mother’s touch and climbed a stepladder. “I didn’t, Mother.”

  Kaye continued her tirade. “And those shoes? What did you do with all them? You had enough to open a shoe store not a bakery. Why do you insist on looking like plain Jane?”

  “I like the way I look, Mother. Besides, I’m too busy to worry about fashion or makeup right now.”

  “Well, I’ll have to say you’re still breaking hearts from the look of that hunky officer. I’m telling you, he was smitten.”

  A buzzer sounded. Daisy had been hanging a hand-lettered wall sign that said HAPPINESS IS ONLY A CUPCAKE AWAY. She climbed down the stepladder and rushed to the back room, barking over her shoulder, “Get back to work, Mother.”

  She turned off the buzzer and took out the batch of cupcakes from the oven, setting them on a wire rack to cool. After washing her hands, she plopped a blob of softened butter into the mixing bowl and started the mixer. Ever since running into Hank, she’d felt like she had swum in a vat of caffeine. Her skin tingled, and her nerves were at the surface. His touch had felt electric. But she couldn’t allow herself to think that way. She had to steer clear of that officer. She shook the thought from her head and added some Crisco to the butter, starting the machine again. She added powdered sugar, some cream and vanilla, and then a little more cream until she had the right consistency. Letting the mixer whip the frosting until it was smooth and stiff, she got her decorating bag and tip ready. She wanted to introduce herself to the business community, and then she would start on the townsfolk. Motion from outside the window caught her eye, and she watched a moving truck back into the parking lot behind the store. She’d noticed the huge VIRGIL PEPPER FOR MAYOR banner in the upstairs window. It looked like today was move-in day. Maybe he would be too busy campaigning to bother her. She hoped so. If he made another pass at her, she just might have to kill him.

  She took a pan from a hook and set it on a burner, adding butter, cocoa, and milk. She stirred it, allowing her thoughts to drift back to Hank while she waited for the mixture to boil. Why did he have to be so darn handsome? And nice?

  A knock on the back door jostled her out of her daydream. The UPS man had a delivery for which she signed and stacked on a table by the door. Every day more and more things came together. It wouldn’t be long before she was in business. Now, if only Virgil Pepper and Hank Beanblossom would stay out of her business.

  Her frosting was beginning to bubble around the edge of the pan when another knock came from the back door. Irritated at the intrusion, she turned down the heat on the burner, marched to the door, flung it open, and snapped, “What?”

  Hank Beanblossom stood there, looking handsome and shocked. She immediately regretted her tone.

  “Oh, Officer Beanblossom. I’m so sorry. I thought you were the UPS man again.”

  “Well, we both wear a uniform, but I think that’s as far as the resemblance goes–”

  “No, I mean he was just here, and–”

  Hank laughed to show he was kidding her. “No worries. Just wanted to stop by and welcome you to town . . . again. See if you wanted to take me up on the offer to show y’all around.” He stood there with his thumbs in his belt loops, looking hopeful.

  “Thank you. But I have too much to do right now.” She pushed her hands in her pockets and looked up through her lashes at him.

  The two of them regarded each other before he said, “I feel like I know you. We haven’t met before?”

  Daisy’s mind went to the parking lot of the Mag Bar where she’d last seen him. Where she–Wynona–had kissed him.

  “I hope you come back,” Hank had whispered in her ear.

  “Maybe I will, Cowboy,” she’d whispered before getting into her car and driving away.

  Daisy cleared her throat and shook off the memory. “Maybe in another lifetime. But I don’t see how that would be possible in the here and now with me being new in town and all.”

  He appeared dead serious when he met her eyes and said, “Maybe we were just meant to know each other then.” He propped his forearm on the doorjamb and added, “This may be a might forward, but there’s something about you that makes me want to know more.”

  Her face flushed, her stomach dropped, and she hitched a thumb toward the stove. “Listen, I need to get back to the stove–”

  He straightened to his full height and stepped back. “Of course. You’re busy. Don’t let me keep you. I’ll stop back by another time.”

  Daisy thanked him and closed the door thinking, Oh, you can keep me.

  Daisy left Kaye working in the shop while she took her cupcakes to the other business owners on the street. She’d made a half a tray of chocolate cupcakes with white icing sprinkled with mini chocolate chips and another half with white cupcakes and chocolate fudge icing decorated with tiny white chocolate curlicues. She threw in a few of her signature daisy cupcakes, which had white icing piped into petals and a blob of yellow icing in the center. She wanted to give just a taste of what she’d be offering in the shop. Not wanting to get stuck talking to the candidate, and worrying what her mother might say if she sent the cupcakes to Virgil with Kaye, she decided she’d send Charlie upstairs when he got out of school.

  Fifteen minutes later, she’d been to all the businesses, besides Virgil and the dress shop. The bell over DRESS ME’S door tinkled as she entered. All of the pretty clothing items made her feel self-conscious as she entered in her Army fatigues, plain white T-shirt, and purple flip-flops. She nervously tried to tuck her hair behind her ear as she heard Caledonia call, “Be right there.”

  A moment later, not only Caledonia but the woman named Tess came out of the back room. Both had smiles on their faces which only grew brighter when they saw the tray of cupcakes that she held out in front of her.

  “I just wanted to give you a taste of what I’ll be offering at my shop and introduce myself properly.” She hesitated and then said, “I’m Daisy Baxter.” She chuckled uneasily, and muttered, “Almost forgot.”

  “Well, aren’t you sweeter than a box of jelly donuts,” Caledonia exclaimed.

  “Or a tray of cupcakes,” Tess added, choosing a chocolate fudge one off the tray, unwrapping a portion of it, and taking a bite. “Oh my goodness. This is the best icing I believe I’ve ever put in my mouth. Oh, this is dreadful. news.”

  Daisy realized she must have had a stricken look on her face because Tess quickly followed up with, “Only because I won’t be able to resist these babies and I’ll put on twenty pounds within a week of your opening.”

  “Well, my motto is ‘You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.’”

  “You are a wise and talented woman,” Tess said around another mouthful of cupcake.

  Caledonia had been studying Daisy. Finally she asked, “Have we met before? I know y’all just moved to town, but something about you seems familiar.”

  Well, I did try to kill you that time a few years back . . .

  Daisy swallowed hard, both from mentally swallowing that unwanted thought and from nervousness. “No, not that I know of.”

  Thankfully, Caledonia changed the subject as she bit into a white cupcake and discovered chocolate fudge filling inside. “Well, lookie here, Tess. This one’s chocolate filled.”

  “We’ll have chocolate with a buttercream filling too,” Daisy said.

  “Lady, you are an artist. What’s the name of your shop going to be?”

  “I thought about For Heaven’s Cakes or Daisy Cakes or Cake O’clock, but I’ve finally decided on Killer Cupcakes. What do you think?” She laughed to herself about the pun. Leave it to a former hit woman to name her shop Killer Cupcakes.

  “I think it’s perfect!” said Tess.

  “I love it! Will you sell anything else?” Caledonia asked.

  “I’ll make pies and cookies occasionally, and special orders will be available, but the focus will be cupcakes.”

  “It sounds heavenly,” Tess said. “If you need an employee, let me know. Wait, no, don’t. I’d never be able to resist them if I were around them all the time.”

  “I most likely have all the help I’ll need. I’ll do all the baking, but my mama will work at the register. Let’s just hope we don’t kill each other,” Daisy said ruefully.

  “And you have a son too. Is that right?” Caledonia asked.

  “Yes. Charlie’s ten. He’ll help out when he’s not in school.” As an afterthought, she added, “Whether he likes it or not.”

  “Oh! My Peanut is ten and so is my best girl’s son, Three. Maybe they’re in the same class.”

  “Actually, he is, I’ve heard their names mentioned. I’m sure Peanut, Three, and Charlie will be fast friends.”

  “The fastest. Peanut never met a stranger. Listen, if you need any taste testers, just let me know. I’ll be right over,” Caledonia said.

  Daisy laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. I’d better get back now. Nice to meet you both.”

  “Thank you for the cupcakes,” the women said together as Daisy left the shop.

  Just before she stepped off the curb to cross the street, she looked up at the campaign’s plate glass window and saw Virgil staring down at her.

  Six

  Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.

  –Anonymous

  Late May, five months before Dead Virgil

  Hank Beanblossom’s radio squawked. “Officer Beanblossom, come in. Are you there?”

  “I’m here, Bernadette.”

  “There’s a report of a sign hanging in the window of old man Marshall’s place. You know, out past Mack Knob Road? The one where Tank Marshall was killed.”

  “I know the one, Bernadette.”

  “Okay. Anyhoo—there are some renters there now, and Bunhead Shaw was just by there and said he saw a sign that said ‘Help’ in the front window, and he thought we shouldoughtta check it out.”

  “All right, Bernadette. On my way.”

  Hank pulled up the long driveway that led to the farmhouse and noticed, just as Bunhead had reported, there was a handwritten sign in an upstairs window above the covered front porch. He noticed improvements had been made to the property since he was last out this way. The weathered white house had been given a fresh coat of paint, and the black shutters gleamed off the new white clapboard. The front porch had been repaired and painted and no longer looked like it was about to fall in. There was grass and some new plants, bushes, and trees in the yard now. Gone were the old rusty cars that used to sit off to the side, and Tank’s NO TRESPASSING–THAT MEANS YOU sign was gone.

  The sign in the window was written on several sheets of paper in block letters so large that he could see why Bunhead had noticed it from the road. Surely this is a joke, Hank thought, looking at the HELP sign.

  He knocked on the front door and unbuttoned his gun holster, just in case. The door opened, and there stood Daisy holding a small spatula dripping with pink frosting.

  Hank’s stomach and face dropped. “You–”

  She had no makeup on and her spiky-style brown hair with blonde tips stuck out in every direction. She wore cutoffs and a pink T-shirt. Her legs were tanned and toned. Her feet were bare with bright red toenail polish. She was breathtaking. And from the looks of her, she was just as surprised to see him as he was to see her.

  She scratched her nose with her wrist since one hand was holding the spatula and the other was holding open the screen door. “Officer. How did you find us?” She propped open the door with her red-toed-bare-foot.

  Hank forced his eyes from her legs to her face. “By accident. Or to be more precise, on account of a report of possible criminal activity.” His mouth turned into a lazy grin.

  “Criminal activity?” Her big brown eyes bugged out, and the spatula with frosting slipped out of her hand, landing on the floor and splattering icing in every direction.

  Hank jumped back to keep from getting frosting on his pants. He bent and picked up the tool. “Yes, ma’am. Can you explain the sign in the upstairs window?” With the spatula, he pointed straight up and then handed it to her. When she still looked confused, he asked her to come outside.

  She hastily rubbed at some icing on her shorts as she followed him.

  They stood in the yard, looking up at the sign in the window, and Daisy gasped.

  “Officer, I’m so sorry. There has been a gigantic misunderstanding. My mother likes drama, and I guess she decided to play a little game on me today. I can assure you that no crime has been committed. No persons are being held against their will. But you can take her in if you’d like. Arrest her for being a big fat liar.”

  Hank raised his face to the sky as he let out a guffaw. “Unfortunately, lying isn’t a criminal offense. If it were, I’d be so busy I’d never make it home for supper.”

  Daisy smiled. “I take your point.”

  “I have to say your explanation sounds reasonable, but you’ll understand if I still need to have a word with your mother?”

  Her mouth set into a thin line. “Of course. Follow me.”

  She led him inside, and he was met with the heavenly aroma of baked goods. He made a show of breathing in deeply. “Honey, you can hold me against my will, long as I can have some of whatever it is you’re baking.”

  Ignoring his remark, she called upstairs. “Mother, can you come down here?”

  In a moment, Kaye appeared at the top of the steps.

  “What?” she grumped.

  “Officer—Beanblossom was it?” He nodded. “Officer Beanblossom would like to have a word with you. Seems as if you have some ‘splainin’ to do.”

  Daisy walked off to the back of the house. Hank looked from mother to daughter and back again, wanting to follow Daisy but knowing duty called. When Kaye reached the bottom step and stood in front of him, he said, “I’m just checking out that sign in the window. Wanted to make sure you’re all right.”

  “Well, if you call being stuck here day in and day out and forced to do manual labor all right.”

  “Stuck?”

  “Yeah. I got no car. Got no life. All I do is sit in here and help W–Whoops-a-Daisy. Help Daisy bake those blame cupcakes. ‘Cept she cooks and I clean. I feel like Cinderella without a ball to go to.”

  “But you could leave if you wanted to, is that right?”

  “Well . . . technically . . . “ She shuffled from foot to foot and crossed her arms in front of her.

  Daisy came back holding a tea towel and a small white box wrapped in a black-checked ribbon. “I’ve been trying out some new varieties to sell at the shop.” She held out the box to Hank. “Here, Officer, something for your trouble.”

  “It’s no trouble. It’s my job. But that’s mighty nice of you.”

  Daisy knelt and began cleaning the icing off the floor.

  Kaye pushed her nose in the air. “Yeah, well, tell your friends. She’s opening a restaurant in town, you know.”

  “I do know. Killer Cupcakes, right?”

  “Mother, it’s not a restaurant. It’s a cupcake shop with the occasional pie and cake thrown in.”

  Hank peeked inside the box. “If you need any taste testers, I’m available.”

  “Thank you. We open in a couple of days. Don’t hesitate to stop by—the cupcakes are on the house for Goose Pimple Junction’s finest.”

  Under her breath, Kaye muttered, “She gives him free cupcakes and works me like a dog.”

  “What else do you have to do, Mother? And I thought you wanted to help. If you’d rather sit and watch your stories and let your backside grow, just say the word. And you know you get all the free cupcakes you can eat.”

  Kaye scowled at her daughter but said nothing. An awkward silence fell over the house.

  Finally, Hank came to his senses. “Well, thank you for the cupcakes.” He lifted the box in the air. “And I’m glad y’all are okay. Nobody’s being held against their will and all. Just maybe take that sign down, ‘kay . . . Uh . . . Kaye?”

  He looked at Daisy’s soft skin, full red lips, dark eyes, and long neck and then realized he was staring. Up to that moment, Daisy had managed no eye contact with him. Now she returned his gaze, and the air damn surely was electric. Something about that woman just drew him in. Reluctantly, he turned and left.

  “Come back anytime, Officer,” Kaye hollered after him.

  Daisy stepped in front of her mother and added, “Sorry to have bothered you, Officer.”

  Hank turned back around and had to stop in his tracks for fear he would stumble when he looked at her. “No trouble at all.” He held up the white box again. “And thanks again for the cupcakes.”

  In the cruiser, he radioed Bernadette that all was well. He sat for five minutes before starting the car and driving off. The last time he’d had such a reaction to someone had been with a mysterious woman named Wynona. He wished now that he hadn’t drunk so much that night.